Sunday, November 5, 2023

Mini Movie Review - Van Helsing (2004)

 


Van Helsing” is one of those movies that’s just….fun. Yes, the whole premise of Dracula trying to make his wives happy by creating children for them is about as far-fetched as you can get. But if you can suspend the total disbelief that idea might cause and just let yourself become immersed in the world of the movie? It’s a rippin’ good time.

This movie is old enough, and was just popular enough, that I’m not going to worry about spoilers here. So, just as a quick refresher, here’s the gist of the movie. Van Helsing works for the Vatican, dealing with problems that the everyday folks just can’t. Heck, most of the everyday folks don’t even know about things like men who become wolves. Or benign doctors who become grotesque monsters when they take a potion. So, he’s also wanted by the law.

Now we’ll introduce our beautiful heroine, Gypsy princess*, who along with her brother, is trying to defeat none other than Dracula. What they don’t know is that their success will admit generations of their family to Heaven. And the only two surviving members of the family’s line are her and her brother. Van Helsing needs to make sure this happens. Apparently, there’s some sort of curse on them.

Now Dracula’s wives are feeling bereft because they can’t have children. (Why this would be an issue when you’re undead, I don’t know. I mean, you’re no longer human or living, so the drive to procreate should be gone, but hey, it’s a movie.) To make this happen, Dracula has encouraged the experiments of one Dr. Frankenstein, thinking that the creature he creates will provide the extra something-something needed to zap the “children” into a state of life.

Sounds bonkers to me, but that’s part of what makes it so fun! What makes it even more fun is watching Richard Roxburgh’s Dracula. I swear that man could just stand there and still steal whatever scene he’s in. (You might also recognize him as “M” from “The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen”.) The fact that he gives us a somewhat sympathetic Dracula just adds to the movie. And yes, he scores on the sexy scale as well. Maybe not Langella levels, but still up there.

And can we talk about Hugh Jackman’s hair for just a moment? It rivals even Kate Beckinsale’s in its gloriousness. I have no idea how much hair spray was used in the movie, but their hair stays in place regardless of what they’re doing. And Jackman’s mane may actually outshine Kurt Russell’s in “The Thing”. (Who knew I had a thing for men with amazing hair? Apparently, I didn’t!)

The movie is a fast-paced, adventurous romp from start to finish, with a few bits about family ties and what makes us human tossed in for good measure. It’s got moments where you’re worried about the protagonists. It’s got moments where you tear up a little bit. AND it makes you feel, at least a little, for the monsters as well. And it’s beautiful to watch.

The basic premise of “Van Helsing” could easily translate to a Ravenloft setting and campaign, but it would also be fun to toss in just about any horror game. Tone down the over-the-top nature of the movie as much as you need and substitute appropriate horror monsters for your setting. You can either have your characters trying to save a good and virtuous family from a curse or, have some added fun and make some of them the ones with the curse. Either way, you can’t easily go wrong.

October and the horror movie challenge are over, but I’m still getting caught up. If you’d like to see my movie selections, you can find them in this post. And if you’re curious what themes Pun Isac originally proposed, check out his post here on the Halls of the Nephilim.

*Now, why did I use the word Gypsy instead of Roma or Romany? Well, because that’s what they are in the movie. However, they are also not wondering travelers, going from town to town, in the movie either. Rather they are settled in a Transylvanian village as its leaders. In normal writing situations, I try to no longer use the word Gypsy and instead rely on Roma.

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